questionable

i stayed home today from school
and i slept the longest i have ever slept
and i woke up at 3 in the afternoon
wanting to know what i had done the nights before
or even the morning before

i do not yet understand why i do these things
why i let people in when i never should
or let them back in

it is the point that i am here
and they will want me to be there till i am tore
or till they think that i have disappeared
but i am never in control of this
even if i made the decision, i am still not the one to do the doings

the doings are caused by the wantings
and i am never in their wantings

i just want to see what i need to see
and i want all of this to feel right

the point of my leaving is right
the point of me right now... here is not right
so i lay and i wake
and i ask myself

why am i still standing still
why can i not speak the truth
and why are you getting in my way

i need to be independent instead of relying on you
i figuring this
i will be forgotten by you, in weeks, months, years
and remind me i will be far away and you will still be here

your not even worth writing all of this down
and trying to make sense of it
but i am at the bottom and i am tired and unable to eat

because of these thoughts you pour into my head

goodbye to the questions
and hello to the answers


"self awareness, conscience, independent will and creative imagination. These give us the ultimate human freedom... The power to choose, to respond, to change."
- Stephen Convey