day one

the first day to be in peru
and it is the first day that i dont want to admit that i dont want to be here
but i feel like i should just stay
see where i will go with this revision

i dont know
it is the first time that i find that i have nothing to say outloud
only to say in my mind
and it is a rapid conversation going on that no one can see
the cafes and the beers keep me quiet for the time being
but what will keep me quiet for the rest of the year
i think it is normal to be scared
but i dont think it is normal to say you cant do this
maybe i am just scared

i never thought i would have to put a pause to my future but that is how it is becoming
i miss everyone and everything
i regret getting close to you
because you are all i want to see on the streets
but i never have seen you just yet
im still waiting
i wasted my innocent time
and i wasted my mind on you

i want to go home
and i want to feel safe
i am safe
and i know i can make this into my home
but it is going to take too long
where am i going after this

the music reminds me that i do not know
and i will not know
maybe it is because it is just the first day
and i am already homesick
but i want to be strong and okay
i wasted my parents money and my parents loss
but i lost my everything

and i need to find what i need
and who i am
before i can complain,right?