have gone

it is alright, when things fall apart
when things mend, it hurts as much as falling apart

i started to mend myself into one piece
pasting and pushing all the spaces together
i become conscious of what these spaces were made from

"home is were the heart is"
i see that my heart was stuck in the past
driving home, dripping and slipping back into the person i once was

i see myself, as i wanted too
it was easier to drink to sadness
bury my thoughts under the covers at night
clinging onto moments that once was
letting myself bring you back in

it seems safe
because home is safe

the trees were bare
my hands were closed the entire time
closing in the mysteries too tight
when i knew the answer all along

hurt me, and i will leave you alone
when it came to the point of hurting
you drugged me on for weeks
letting me call at night and cry
wanting to hear what i should hear

so i let myself, hurt
because this is what i live off of
pain and guilt that carries on inside me

"i feel sane here"

i had to sleep with my lights on
when we were sent to our beds
i had to yell inside to quiet my thoughts
when we were sent to our beds
i had to stare in the mirror and remind myself i was alive
when we were sent to our beds
i had to hold myself
when we were sent to our beds

"when you are crying, the world is going on without you"

as if i am consumed
i want to know if my world stops, where else is the world
the world does continue, when i am on pause
leaving me stuck where i thought i wanted to be
but, in this place, it was impossible to see the outside world

it comes around
and i am on the plane again
going back to my new home
only as the person, of destruction and hurt
i ask, when will this person disappear

having my hands open and my eyes wide
i never want to hold too tight
i never want to have my eyes closed

i walk in sunlight and heat
i look back
and you are still behind me