interuption

and then i remmeber
what it was like, to go to your second home
i remember, i have the same ways of running and doing
as if it is easier this time, i was unable to cry on the plane
not regretting what i have left at home, or guilt of feeling the need to stay

then picturing myself in the room you made for me
created into only memories of yourself
holding onto that selfish feeling of control
and i letting you control my thoughts

then day came for you to paint my room for me
letting me pick the color and the feel
only that i have a secret that happened the night before
you came with happiness and the layout of what this new room would be
pushing me onto the bed, and kissing hard and subtle
only noticing that something has changed about me
maybe my taste, my body, my eyes
and you stopped getting up and walking to the porch
lighting my cigerattes at the table
i pulled my shirt up and walked to you

only you, seemed far away
just like the other did when i left
because my taste, my body, my eyes were different

so again, i exited myself
letting it all fall apart
only thinking they would always come back

just thinking that love was always
continuously, ending when only i, myself exits
but they seem to leave quicker than i have a thought

so i let the paint sit, and soak into the wall
knowing when i go back, that feeling will still be there